on my own, here we go

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can

i'll figure out what to write here eventually
if you're curious just go through my blog or ask questions


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it’s funny how this was supposed to be about having conrtol, doing something right, being the best at this one thing. and it’s turned into feeling more out of control than ever. i feel like more of a failure than i have in my entire life. 

all i think about it foods, weights, sizes, calories, numbers, days. how many calories am i having today? how many days til i reach that weight? how many hours until i’m allowed to eat? what am i going to eat today, tomorrow, next week? plan it out, make one list and then another and another. add it up. rearrange it and add it up again. over and over. go over it in my head as i try to fall asleep, memorize it. what days am i going to the gym? for how long? how much will that burn? how many more minutes until i can stop? when will all of this stop? when will i feel small? how do i avoid going out to eat? what is my excuse this time?

and what is my excuse for having all these thoughts and still being so fat? 

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  1. honeystick posted this
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