December 2011
60 posts
37099) I either eat my feelings or starve them...
i will always be a failure.
1 tag
liquids only tomorrow and taking the rest of the lax. i need to feel clean.
“Average. It was the worst, most disgusting word in the English language. Nothing...”
– Portia De Rossi, Unbearable Lightness (via pale-rosebud)
1 tag
shitty day
i just ate and now i want to die. i don’t deserve to exist. and i don’t want to if it means i have to live this life in this body and feel these feelings. i hate myself so much.
1 tag
i found the earrings and another pleasant suprise: left over lax from a long time ago. so much stronger than the ones i have now. there’s only like one dose left, but i was planning on buying more of that brand soon anyways. i’m trying to be cautious with laxatives and not use them too often, but sometimes i NEED them.
2 tags
to do for the rest of the day:
look for my pearl earrings
plan intake for the next couple days
keep reading into the wild
go to the health food store and buy lots of fruit/veggies/low cal things
talk on the phone with my boy cause i miss him a lot
research exercise hoops and possibly order one off amazon
relaxxx
if you have a hoop or know a lot about them you should message me cause i’m kind of clueless
1 tag
so far restricting is going pretty good, but i feel like it’s not enough. i had a little too much this morning and now i’m freaking out. going to the gym to try and calm down.
“She’s letting out her feelings. The scary thing is not being able to do that....”
– Haruki Murakami (Norwegian Wood)
3 tags
so now new years is in a few days, and the person i need to see most, aka my long distance boyfriend that i love with all i have, who promised me he would make it out here to spend new years with me, is most likely not going to come. he hasn’t said that, but it’s 5 days away and he hasn’t made any sort of plans for a flight or a bus ticket or a hotel room. and i’m pretty...
“I want you always to remember me. Will you remember that I existed, and that I...”
– Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood (via oncealoyallover)
1 tag
i don't feel merry or excited or anything like...
just fat, sad, achey, fat, alone, and did i mention fat? all i want to do is cry and starve and sleep for a very long time. but that’s not an option at the moment, so i’m going to watch the grinch and paint my nails and hopefully get out of this funk so i can enjoy christmas a little bit.
“The sickness rolled through me in great waves. After each wave it would fade...”
– The Bell Jar: Sylvia Plath (via to-come-undone)
2 tags
when i start to feel overwhelmingly fat (read: all the time) my hurried & panic-filled reaction is to eat tons of junk. how logical, right? i feel nasty during it and afterwards. when is this going to stop? i’m so fucking tired of this.
my feelings only consist of fat, depressed, apathetic, and repeat.
it doesn’t even feel like christmas is this weekend. and i’m one of...
noname-slobs:
How do you explain to someone how you feel when you cannot even conjure up the correct words to accurately define this ‘feeling’. Is it discomfort? Melancholy.Despair? Discontentment? No im hardly sure. I dont feel sad everyday, just most days. Maybe im bored.
“The only people who ever get anyplace interesting are the people who get lost.”
– Henry David Thoreau (via thenocturnals)
“I’m attracted to the extreme light and the extreme dark. I’m interested in the...”
– Johnny Depp (via wowloverly)
right before bed
mind: oh yeah that's why you want to die and hate yourself i remember it all now
1 tag
so yesterday i saw an old friend and it was actually really nice to hang out with her again. but during the drive there she started talking about weight. and she told me specific weights she’s reached over the past few months. and she told me about how when she would go to the gym, she would go for two hours most days, sometimes twice a day. she told me how she just started taking medication...
“I am so busy keeping my head above water that I scarcely know who I am, much...”
– Sylvia Plath (via 24ribs)
1 tag
so thick, pudgy, soft, bulgy, heavy, fat.
i feel beyond disgusted right now. i can feel all the fat sitting on me. making me heavy, making it harder to breathe. i want to claw at my skin, rip it all off until i’m light and i can breathe easy. i want to be free from this. what the hell am i doing? how the did i let it get this bad? it’s like i’ve had my eyes closed for the past...
